Chiefs @ Panthers: Post-Game Report

Scary movie? Yes. We were the dumb blonde who keeps falling down before getting hacked to bits.

Yesterday’s effort by the Chiefs wasn’t a poor performance. I’m not going to even dignify it as a performance, because to have one of those you actually have to bother to show up. Here are my rapid-fire thoughts on the Panthers game…

Anyone who still has a favorable view of Herm Edwards at this point needs to have their voting privileges revoked prior to election day. You are obviously incapable of executing proper judgment. Here’s what was going on in John Fox’s head Sunday as he reflected on his old friend…

I can’t believe the Chiefs hired Herm to be their head coach. Back in college, I wouldn’t have hired him to cut my lawn. Funny how little things have changed over the years.

Harm has become a national laughingstock. My list of current NFL head coaches I wouldn’t take over him has now been trimmed down to two–Norv Turner and Rod Marinelli. Marvin Lewis? Sign him up. Tom Cable? Probably be cheaper and would spare us the B.S. soundbites. I’d even rather have another former Jets‘ coach at this point–Rich Kotite.

Harm and Chan Gailey–aka Cherm and definitely not Charm–sputtered out the worst offensive performance I’ve seen from the Chiefs during my lifetime Sunday. The offensive playcalling was so bad and so conservative that I’m about to call up Sarah Palin and see if that Joe Six-Pack guy is available to call the plays. He’s not available? Say it ain’t so, Joe!

At this point, doing a fan promotion where a random fan gets to call the play on first down would work much better, even if they’re plastered. Maybe even a ping-pong ball sideline lottery? Nothing can be worse than Chan…

OK, first down. Um, let’s go off tackle, and, uh, to the right side again. That’s it. I know those guys couldn’t block my mother from cutting in front of them in the buffet line at Golden Coral, but maybe we’ll catch ‘em off guard this time.

Damon Huard. Just when I finally drop my skepticism in regards to Huard, he reminds me exactly why I was skeptical in the first place. We need to import another quarterback immediately. Huard looked disinterested and scared out there last Sunday. Sure, he was tough in the pocket against Denver, but I think those shots he took reminded him how much more comfortable he was earning his paycheck on the sidelines. I mean, who’s going to follow this guy into the trenches? Especially if there’s something wrong with him? He looked about as excited as a guy going into have hemroid removal surgery. The Huard project needs to finally come to an end.

Everyone is talking smack on the defense, but I still believe that we have a pretty decent unit. Look at the two games we’ve been competitive in. In both of those games, the Chiefs’ defense played extremely well, allowing a reasonable amount of points and forcing turnovers. The Chiefs’ D even forced a big turnover early in Sunday’s game. The problem is they get dejected and exhausted after all of those offensive three and outs. Additionally, any defense, especially a young one, will be prone to mistakes when it’s on the field 60-plus percent of the time.

Larry Johnson getting seven carries is a joke. What’s the solution to getting L.J. off? Coming out throwing on the first series. We’ve gotta keep them honest, especially on first down. First play of the Titans game, I’d run a play-action bomb. An early score against the Titans could be the difference as putrid as their offense is. It would also allow L.J. to stay in the game for four quarters instead of just one.

So, Dwayne Bowe quit on a play. Shame on him, but I definitely understand. Huard’s start, the terrible playcalling and a lack of overall preparation showed that the coaches quit on the team before the game even started. Cherm and Co. just got a dosage of their own medicine.

Speaking of D-Bo, one is definitely the loneliest number when it comes to our wide receivers. Yuck.

One of the few bright spots of this young season has been watching Bernard Pollard and Jarrad Page play. Gotta love our young safeties.

The other half of our secondary, the Brandons, got taken to school by professors Muhammad and Smith. Thanks for the education, gentleman. In the long run they’ll be better for it. Professor Peppers also gave Herb Taylor some serious schooling.

Pat Surtain made Muhammad look like Usain Bolt. How slow is this guy at this point? Damn. The other Pat, Pat Thomas, has been just as unbearable to watch.

Derrick Johnson had more than nine tackles Sunday. I’ll go back and count, but that can’t be correct.

Rudy Niswanger is just as big of a joke as Adrian Jones and Damion McIntosh. Go! Adrian (because he’s like a green light for defenders) and Sackintosh catch more flak, but Niswanger is terrible. It ain’t easy getting called for holding every single game at the center position. Congrats.

Let’s please use Jamaal Charles in a less predictable fashion.

Has anyone seen Tamba Hali? The last time I saw somebody do something in a No. 91 jersey was when I saw some kid skateboarding wearing a Dennis Rodman Chicago Bulls throwback.

DeAngelo Williams isn’t even that good. D’Angelo the singer could have hit paydirt three times with those holes.

Those are my thoughts on whatever that was Sunday. I’ll have more in-depth analysis in my late week Rewind/Fast Forward piece.