I had a dream last night about Chiefs defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham having a therapy session with noted Austrian psychiatrist Sigmund Fraud…
Sigmund (in Austrian accent): Good morning, Gunther, but you are early. Your scheduled appointment is usually after the 10th game of the season.
Gunther: I know, I know, but this season has already been very difficult for me. I just can’t get over this ****.
Sigmund: Over what?
Gunther: The defense. The ****ing defense. For ****’s sake, we have given up over almost 500 rushing yards the last two weeks. To the Raiders and the Falcons. I just don’t know what that old mountain fox Shanahan’s gonna do to me this week. ****.
Sigmund: First, we must analyze how you arrived at this point.
Gunther: OK, OK.
Sigmund: I recall that many years ago you were in denial about your defense when you worked for the crying coach from California.
Gunther: Yes, you’re right.
Sigmund: Next, you became extremely angry about how you and the defense were the blame for the team’s troubles.
Gunther: ****, yes. I wasn’t just angry about blame game, I was pissed-off.
Sigmund: Then you went to the crying coach and bargained for help. And help he did, giving you two number draft picks, I believe a Mr. Sims and Johnson. Is that correct?
Gunther: Yes, that’s right.
Sigmund: In fact, you continued to bargain for more help, getting a Tamba, a Turk, a Tank, a Donnie and even a Napoleon!
Gunther: Yes, that’s right, but then this summer. This summer, I got severely depressed. Damn, Doc, was I depressed.
Sigmund: Tell me more.
Gunther: The King got rid of my best player. He traded him for ****ing draft choices.
Sigmund: But didn’t he get you a Glenn?
Gunther: Yes, yes…but he’s no Jared.
Sigmund: I got it. You have gone through the five stages of loss: DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION and now ACCEPTANCE!
Sigmund: Yes, acceptance. I have seen the last two games and have already accepted that it will be an 0-16 season for you and your Chiefs. I suggest you accept this fate and enjoy your remaining time in Kansas City. See the fountains or something, eat some ribs, spend time with that obnoxious fat man who writes for the local newspaper.
Gunther: That’s it; work smarter not harder. I’m already liking this acceptance thing. Sorry for being such a pain in the ass, Doc.
Sigmund: These sessions are the easy part. Watching your games, that is what causes me excruciating pain. Even on my new HDTV. What a wonderful contraption!