Ten Reasons Why the Chiefs Are Cooler Than the Patriots:
10. Koolaid Maroney can “wash my ass” for what he did to my fantasy team last year. What an idiot that guy is.
9. You guys actually thought Deltha O’Neal would help your secondary? I hope fire extinguishers were included with your purchase.
8. How come your old mascot looks like he’s taking a prison shower? I mean, just look at his facial expression–“ugghhh.”
7. Lamont Jordan. Randy Moss. When your team gets old, bring in the…Raiders? WTF? Don’t worry–they’ll be cancers before too long.
6. Sam Clay Aiken is on your team? I think he preferred the old mascot.
5. Because of Tom Brady‘s chokejob in the last Super Bowl, tripping up at the top of any “summit” will forever be known as “pulling a Brady.”
4. Ask Bill Belichick about Cleveland sometime. Or about being Jason Whitlock‘s precious “soulmate.”
3. Robert Kraft is an android. Trust me. Nobody looks that fake. Well, besides Cindy McCain and Jerry Jones. He looks like they tried to clone Jimmy Johnson and goofed.
2. The only scandal one of our coaches has ever been involved in was with a KU cheerleader. Can’t blame a brother for beakin’ a hot little Beaker.
1. The two best moments of my life: A.) Rodney Harrison‘s knee explodes; B.) Rodney Harrison gets busted for HGH.