Chiefs @ Dolphins Post-Game Report: Drilled!
The barber may be the same, but not their game.
Speaking of drilled, if Herm Edwards was a drill instructor–and he might have it in him, because his pops served in WWII–here’s what he’d be saying right now :
“24-zilch? You call that football, you pond-sucking scum?! You gang-greenified maggot f***ers! You little girls don’t even deserve to be in the pink panty club! We’re going to have to make you purple panties with little pink flowers on on them, you pansies! I have seen bigger sets of testicles hanging from those Powder Puff bimbos! At least they pop somebody every now and then! You know what?! If a bomb hit this sorry-ass locker room right now, it would be a waste of a bomb! Do the world a favor and choke yourself to death with your chinstraps, you germ-infested puss pockets!”
OK, now that I’ve had my Full Metal Jacket glory, I’m going to cut myself off before I go too overboard, if that hasn’t already happened (um, pretty sure it has, but OK, Adam). At least I feel better after that rant. Hopefully, we all feel better.
Now on to a rapid-fire freestyle about our beloved Chiefs (it hurts to claim them tonight, folks):
Even Brian Waters played like complete ass tonight. Not only was he tippy-toeing around on L.J.’s near-TD plunge (hit somebody, B!), but he was making excuses for the Chiefs’ offense in an interview. Now that’s leadership, 5-4!
Dwayne Bowe may call himself Mr. Awesome now, but tonight he was Mr. Craptastic. His cousin Bobby Sippio was Booby Droppio. His confidence is completely busted after choking against Arizona (thanks for the assist, Thiggy Smalls). Thanks for making me look bad, Sipp. Appreciate it! The catching cousins were the dropping dunces tonight. Their hometown fans want their money back. Now.
I may have been wrong on Sippio. He still has the tools, but I’m man enough to admit I was wrong and that he doesn’t deserve to be on the team. But I definitely wasn’t all wrong. I was right about our QB situation and need for more beef on the line (remember the Where’s the Beef campaign), among other things…
Our quarterback situation is absolutely tragic. The vow of silence is over. I’ve been saying Brodie Croyle doesn’t have it for months, and tonight he was awful. He should of nailed D-Bowe for a TD, but he launched it out of bounds. He threw an awful pick at the end of the first half. And can the guy complete a pass that nets double-digit yards? OK, without YAC? What good is that big arm if he can’t make progressions and just dumps the ball off every time? And he just dropped the ball on his fumble. Unbelievable. This is the guy who we’re betting our future on (you can tilt your glasses back and chug now!). Even though he played at Alabama, Brodie is no Broadway. If he keeps playing like this, then the only hunting he is going to do will be for a new job.
His back-ups–and calling them that after this performance is a slap in the face to every back-up who ever played in the NFL–were even worse. Tyler Thigpen might as well have cut Kevin McMahan himself, because he didn’t give him a chance to do jack. Thiggy Smalls is never going to be anything, so we should just go ahead and give him the gong. Damon Huard is just scared, sad and pathetic back there. Put the old bird out of his misery and let him hold a clipboard for a contender. They can take their coach, Dick Curl, with them.
Speaking of the passing game, the playcalling was horrid. The five-lane highway masquerading as an offensive line didn’t help, but I have never seen a more dinky-dunk offense in my life. Do we have any plays that actually go downfield? Do we ever throw past the first down marker on third down? Or even past the line of scrimmage? All those third down screens were Solariesque. Some of that is on Brodie and Co., too.
It’s not who we should bring in as far as another quarterback, it’s how fast can we get them to K.C. Somebody. Anybody! Or at least it should be. We desperately need another QB besides Brodie on the roster. We need another quarterback worse than Amy Winehouse needs her crack.
Larry Johnson played fine considering his line, but his blocking left a lot to be desired. For someone who likes running over people, he sure doesn’t like to get physical when he blocks. Step it up, Iron Man. A contestant from Iron Chef could have stood there and ceded a “one apple” rush.
Tamba Hali. I saw you tonight. You were on the back of a milk carton. Replacing Jared Allen? So far you couldn’t have replaced Jared from Subway. You almost had one sack, but instead it was a TD. If D-Bowe is Mr. Awesome, you are Mr. Almost. Devard Darling is on my other cartoon, FYI.
Our linebackers make our back-up quarterbacks look like Tom and Tony. Other than Derrick Johnson, who’s been solid.
Is Bernard Pollard trying to give Dajuan Morgan his job. Bonecrusher? Who’s bones, the invisible man’s? Stop whiffing and shoulder tackling! Damn, even Jarrad Page, who used to be a much worse tackler than you, gets it. Step up, B.P.
B.J. Sams, you see Tedd Ginn? That’s how you return. Maybe you can play with him on Madden after you get your pink slip?
And I have to ask this question: Damion McIntosh, how do you sleep at night? Do you ever plan on actually earning your hefty paychecks?
The bright spots? There were very few, but…
Dantrell Savage, other than his early gaffe.
Brandon Carr. I see you, player. Nice pick.
Dimitri Patterson, E.J. Kuale, Maurice Leggett and Morgan all made some nice plays, mostly on special teams. Kuale actually knocked out a receiver with a devastating block. As bad as our special teams play was, these guys need to make the team. Morgan will, but Leggett and Patterson need to as well. They’ve both made impressive TD-saving tackles so far, not to mention other hustle plays. Thanks for playing, Tyron Brackenridge. Start sending out your resume.
Herb Taylor and Mike Cox did a pretty solid job.
My new “Webb Stopper” Maurice Price–sorry, Sipp, but you dropped the ball…literally–made the only play he had the chance to. Love that kid. Mo HAS to make this roster. Has to.
Kolby Smith played well, which was good to see again. He has fantastic hands. Jackie Battle played hard. The Battle Axe reminds me of Nick Goings and should stick–somewhere. Just not here.
Last but not least, I thought my boy Turk McBride did a somewhat steady job. Glenn Dorsey and Tank Tyler were, blah, just so so. I can live with that, however, as this was both of their first real starts. We have to at least get one sack, though.
Actually, one more thing…we should have looked at Chad Pennington like I wanted us to.
First of all, I turn on the TV expecting my Chiefs and to my dismay I see the Vikings and the Steelers. So I decide helping some of my family pack up to move will indeed be more pressing than watching TV because the Chiefs aren’t on. But as it turns out I am glad it wasn’t broadcasted here, because I would have punched myself in the face several times for getting so excited in the first place. These are the Chiefs I actually expected, and the fact I believed a couple decent preseason games proved me wrong was ridiculous. Anyway, big ups to myself on being the first to say Kuale can play, as apparently he knocked somebody unconcious.
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:52 pmYou sure did and he absolutely did. Some WR named Armstrong. Guy didn’t know where he was. Ted Ginn was laughing at him.
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:54 pmHa. Getting so downtrodden after a bad PRE-SEASON game? Chad Pennington has looked decent exactly once. Brodie looked decent two out of three games he played so far this pre-season. I wouldn’t start chanting ‘I knew we should have gone after Chad!’ just yet. Our starters got owned, and owned soundly. Hopefully this wakes a few players up. I think they were more focused on STL and Steven Jackson than the lowly 1-15 Dolphins from a year ago. I dunno if Bayou Bruiser’s knee is still bothering him or not, but he just didn’t look good at all. I saw him in alot of 1v1 situations, and not only did Smiley (a guy I recommended we get, since everyone likes to shout out what they thought,) not get shoved back, he also shoved Dorsey back a few times. ONE ON FREAKIN’ ONE! I was hoping Dorsey would command double teams all year. Get that knee fixed asap, or I’ll be forced to call you the Bayou Biznatch instead of the Bruiser.
Brian Waters was pretty much right on point.. We did move the ball at times, but for the most part we stank.. And look at most of the plays we ran, especially passing plays. They WERE mostly the same formations. I don’t doubt that he was telling the truth, how many times did we see 4 receiver sets with Trips to the right? Thought so, thank you.
And as for the second team, I give them all props. We moved the ball better, and the Dolphins STILL had most of their starters in, and some ‘Fins starters actually played through the whole game, notably Long, and Allen. It was a disappointing loss, disheartening, but not devestating. Losing one pre-season game badly isn’t going to totally ruin everyone on our team… Chin up guys, chin up.
They’ve got some serious things to consider going into the roster cut (bye bye Sippio. The Sippio Cup will always live on… in my mind.) Like the announcers said, I think a big part of what we’re going to be doing is looking at LB’s that get cut here soon, and during final roster cuts.
August 24th, 2008 at 12:06 amOn another note, I think they’ll try and stick Jackie Battle on the practice squad, but someone is going to snatch him up, and snatch him up quick. On a final note; I’d much rather get shut out in the pre-season than in the regular season. Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.
Adam what’s your email addy and/or is there a way to message each other on this?
August 24th, 2008 at 12:26 amYou can always e-mail me at arrowheadaddict@gmail.com or drop me a line on the contact page, though I suggest e-mail because it is always open.
August 24th, 2008 at 12:39 amI’m not too downtrodden either. I actually had fun blasting the Chiefs, and they deserved it for wasting three hours of everybody’s time. Brodie looked decent in the first game, and poor ever since. Chad Pennington looked great tonight. He probably isn’t the answer, but the fact that our quarterbacks are the laughingstock of the league and we aren’t even looking elsewhere…not OK with me.
Dorsey had a couple of fantastic plays, and was merely average the rest of the game like you said.
As for Brian Waters, I’m not giving him the cop out. It wasn’t like Miami unveiled the whole playbook either.
Long live the Sippio Cup! Price will likely replace him, and I’m sure we can do something with the name Mo Price.
August 24th, 2008 at 12:45 amIt’s just the preseason. Playcalling has to be vanilla.
All the same, what a shitty waste of 3 hours on a Saturday night.
August 24th, 2008 at 12:48 amBy the way, I totally tried to add in this picture just now:
http://joshstaiger.org/images/DontPanic_1024.jpg
Don’t Panic, guys.
August 24th, 2008 at 12:49 amWell.. at least we can look on in a somewhat cheerful manner. Seems the Raiders also got shut out (also a score of 24-zip) by the Cardinals. Turns out they had even less total net yards than our pourous offense did. If all else fails, we can still laugh at them.
August 24th, 2008 at 1:00 amGood call on both the Raiders, xxxlp.
As for the vanilla playcalling, the Chiefs take it to the extreme, Suzy. But I do agree to a certain extent. And it was quite the waste. Not like I ever miss a game anyway, but I at least want them to show up. They mailed this one in.
August 24th, 2008 at 1:08 amVERY hard game to endure… exhausting in fact. Oline was a mess all night… DJ had some high spots but I dont think I can say I saw another LB make a play all night. 2ndary looked young and green – which they are. LJ looks good, Kolby looked good. I just hope next week is better than this mess was.
August 24th, 2008 at 5:53 amAnyone notice that we have barely blitzed on D all pre-season? I think on offense we have shown some of our wrinkles (like the direct snap to LJ against ARZ), but the D has played super-vanilla. I certainly hope that I am right and Gun will unleash the hound against NE, because I have not seen much pass rush.
August 24th, 2008 at 7:58 amAdam,
Chiefs definitely stunk up the joint and your analysis for the most part is spot on. I’m not going to be as hard on Brodie as you are because if you’re going to develop a QB, which KC has never done, then you’ve got to expect to see games like we did last night. Be thankful for the preseason.
My biggest problem with last night’s game is that it looked like nobody practiced all week. I don’t have a problem with the playcalling so much as execution. When it’s 4th and goal and you have playmakers like LJ, Gonz, Bowe, Waters, Cox, Price, and yes, even Webb, you should score pretty much regardless of what play you call.
The Star bagged heavily on Savage for stepping out of bounds. So what? It was the right idea, he just did it wrong and I doubt he’ll ever make that same mistake twice. Overall, I thought he was one of the few bright spots last night.
The most dissappointing aspect of this game was the fact that we lost, and that we lost to a team that we shouldn’t have. We need to be wininng games right now. I have to admit at this point that Parcells seems to have brought that team back from the dead more. That has to be pretty embarrassing for the Chiefs front office and coaching staff wouldn’t ya think?
My main hope (excuse?) right now is that what we saw last night is mostly attributable to the rash of injuries we’ve had this preseason. Because of that, I don’t think the OL, all the offensive playermakers, the DL, and LBs have yet to unify and develop good chemistry. Again, be thankful this is the preseason and let’s just hope all this gets fixed soon. My expectations are a little lower right now however.
We need a kicker. We need a different backup QB – I personally hope that Dennis Dixon hits the waiver wire so that we can grab him.
August 24th, 2008 at 11:40 amI don’t have a clue what you guys are talking about? We played a game last night? I’ll be damned.
Thank you Mr. Beam for making me forget everything.
August 24th, 2008 at 12:15 pmparcells looks farther ahead because:
August 24th, 2008 at 1:06 pma. they have been at this longer
b. he brought inlots of vets who played for him before(we went with a TOTAL YOUTH MOVEMENT.)
Yeah, I was a little negative last night. Had to get it off my chance
Lets just hope Demorrio, Donnie, Phat Albert and Will can make it back. We desperately need them.
August 24th, 2008 at 1:46 pmOne other point about Brodie – how many of those dropped passes were his fault? If those balls would have been hung onto, we might have seen a much different outcome.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:42 pmLet’s just be honest about Brodie–he stunk. No other way to spin it. I am about the biggest Sippio supporter there is, and I came out and said he stunk (and he got a lot less of a chance to stink). Why can’t people say the same about Brodie?
August 25th, 2008 at 1:46 pmAll I’m saying is you can’t hang the dropped passes on Brodie. For example, Bowe could have had a big gain on at least one play. Believe it or not, Webb was one of the few guys out there hanging onto the ball. I don’t know what you saw but I saw balls bouncing off or slipping through guys hands all night. Brodie is not totally blameless mind you, but he certainly can’t be hung with shitty protection, vanilla offense, lack of a running attack, lack of open receivers, and/or receivers that drop his passes. Right?
August 25th, 2008 at 1:56 pmOh and how many otherwise good QBs are able consistently prosper when forced to start a drive on their own 2. The plenty of blame to spread around on that mess of a game if you ask me. I see no reason to single out Brodie any more than any other player – probably less in fact.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:00 pm