A Little Wrastlin' For A Slow News Day
First off, I want to give Bob Gretz some props for his recent Bobby Sippio article. Gretz sometimes comes off as King Carl’s P.R. puppet, but he was as honest and on the mark as he could have been with this one. And, yes, I am Sipp-ing the Sippio Kool-Aid as always. But I think every Chiefs fan should be. Who cares if he’s slow? I don’t. Why? Because, speaking of wrestlers, he’s got the things that all pro wrestlers have–heart, guts and swagger. Jeff Webb and Samie Parker have answer “D”–none of the above. It boggles my mind why any Chiefs fan would root against this overachiever with the heart of a lion. It just makes absolutely no sense to me. Then again, it’s a mad world.
For one day and one day only, Bob Gretz is Bobby the Brain.
Speaking of wrestling, I grew up on the stuff. I don’t watch it any longer, but I have fond memories of Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake, Jake “The Snake” and The Ultimate Warrior. News broke earlier this year that rapper Eminem is training to join the WWE (which someone reminded me of today). This got me thinking about which current Chiefs would make the best wrestlers? You can read what I came up with after the jump (where’s Kyle Turley when you actually need him?)…
- Tim “Killer” Krumrie – Here’s our own Vinnie Mac. Our maniacal, muscle-bound old man who will pop a blood vessel in his head screaming, and then try to rip yours clean off. Scary.
- Tony Gonzalez, aka Tony G - The second coming of The Rock. October could even be his valet. A definite fan favorite.
- Dwayne Bowe, aka The Show – He would be great with the mic, and he’s definitely got the style and the swagger. Wrestling fans would love The Show. Maybe he could even tag team with his cousin?
- Tank Tyler and Turk McBride, aka TNT – Speaking of tag teams, this would be an awesome one. These two have a little bit of style and swagger of their own, too, not to mention names tailor made for the squared circle.
- Bernard Pollard and Jarrad Page, aka The P & P Express - Two guys who move well for their size. The Bonecrusher would do well here, but I wonder how many times Page would whiff trying to rip off monster clotheslines?
- Glenn Dorsey, aka Swamp Thing – Like Earthquake, only way more athletic. Yokozuna ain’t go jack on the Bayou Bruiser. Plus, he’s got the nicknames to do well in the world of wrestling. Putt power!
- Tamba Hali, aka Conan the Liberian – After growing up in a war-torn country, training MMA-style and sparring with left tackles, fake wrestling would be easy. He might need a good gimmick, though. Tamba is kinda quiet.
- Larry Johnson, aka L.J. – Our Iron Man would be a prefect fit for the WWE. He’s got a bruiser’s mentality, and if you’ve ever seen him do his Herm Edwards impersonation, then you know he’d be great on the mic and with skits. Considering even a lot of Chiefs fans don’t like him, he’d be the perfect heel.
- Dantrell Savage and Jackie Battle – Who knows if they’d be worth a damn, but they have perfect jobber wrestling names. Considering they might get cut, they may want to look into this.
- Brad Cottam, aka The Lumberjack – A Tennessee mountain of a man that nails his opponents with axe-like forearm smashes. Dude is huge, and pretty athletic for his size. He might not be a freak like Brock Lesnar, but he moves amazingly well for being so massive.
- Jason “Damage” Dunn – Big Dunn might no longer be a Chief, but he’ll always be a Chief to me. After seeing how much personality he has, this monster would make the perfect third member of Harlem Heat if they got the band back together. He even has the hair. His catch phrase…”I’m Dunn? No, YOU’RE DONE!”
you talk about a desperate cry for help… this is just sad man… did you consider opening up your wrist veins before you wrote this? ;P
August 13th, 2008 at 7:51 pmLOL…I’m taking it you never watched wrestling. I actually had a damn good time writing this. It can’t be all Xs and Os all the time. I’m an entertainer, what can I say?
August 13th, 2008 at 8:44 pmWrestling was HUGE in my hometown, back in the day. I can remember sitting with my friends, tuned into watching Goldberg, Sting, and others ‘duke it out’ (Yes, I knew it was fake) between the ropes. While it’s become basically a commercial ridden soap opera starring men in speedos, I still will watch a match every now and again, just to bring back memories. Back in the day it was actually entertaining, now, I find it rather pathetic. Go figure. Good piece. I would even buy an ‘I’m Dunn, but you’re DONE!’ t-shirt, just for the hell of it.
August 13th, 2008 at 11:41 pmI was only playing to your title about a slow news day… while I never really understood the facination with ‘wrasslin’… I loved NASCAR before Country wasn’t cool… so I have NO room to poke fun!
August 14th, 2008 at 12:17 amI used to be huge into wrestling. I even went to WWE Raw when it came to Birmingham a few years ago. Got both Goldberg and Steve Austin’s autographs.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:31 amHold on a sec – it’s fake?
August 14th, 2008 at 8:23 amChange of subject if that’s okay with everybody. KCChiefs.com did a Q&A with DJ last week that really caught my attention.
Here are a few highlights:
Q: How do you think the team as a whole is coming along?
JOHNSON: “I think we’re doing good. We’re very aggressive already. We’re going to be better than last year, especially along the line, that’s what we’ve been putting emphasis on – stopping the run. Once we do that we give the offense a chance to do a lot of things.”
and this (my personal favorite)
Q: What are you thoughts on Gunther as linebackers coach?
JOHNSON: “I didn’t know how we were going to do it at first. But it’s going quite well. You actually get into his mindset on how you play linebacker. I never knew that in three years that I’ve been here. I knew he was a hard coach and was going to get his work done, but at the same time I didn’t know how much he knew about linebackers. He knows a lot. My game is going to go to another level. I can’t wait.” (Emphasis added.)
and this
Q: Is the attitude changing around here?
JOHNSON: “We’re getting an identity and going out with a purpose every day to create that attitude that we need. This defense is going to be really good this year, I can’t wait. I really can’t speak too much on it until about the second or third preseason game when we really gel together, but what we’re doing now and with what we’re trying to do, it’s going to be really good.” (My emphasis again)
and this
Q: You’re looking to get turnovers a little more this year?
JOHNSON: “Right. Definitely. I definitely want to get more turnovers this year. I want to cause fumbles and I can’t wait.”
I don’t know how everybody else feels about how DJ and the rest of this defense will play this year but I gotta tell you I find DJ’s anticipation and optimism pretty damn infectious. I can’t wait either DJ.
August 14th, 2008 at 9:29 am