Addictbusters: We Got Our Proton Packs Back!

Here at the Addict, Ghostbusters–especially our guy Bill Murray and his Dr. Venkman–is one of our all-time faves. We also loved Jack Black’s ridiculous cover of the theme song form Be Kind Rewind. So, that, paired with some untruths floating around like Slimer about the Chiefs, is why we have decided to do a little busting ourselves. Alright, boys, aim for the flattop!

10. Jeff Webb has trade value.

“He’s an ugly little spud, isn’t he?”

If real life were Madden you’d see an “F” for trade value when you tried to unload him. There is a reason that even Chiefs fans, the homers that we are, ranked him fourth–yes, fourth–among just our receivers. That’s our receivers, not New England’s. If you held a gun to another GM’s dome, he might cough up a seventh-round pick.

9. We went too far making fun of Javon Walker.

“You guys have been running your ass off, meetin’ and greetin’ every schizo in the five boroughs who says he has a paranormal experience.“

Some of you are getting soft on us. This time was justified. We gave him and Brandon Marshall the benefit of the doubt and respected the situation when Darrent Williams passed away. This time we just couldn’t do that. Javon gets four Pinocchios for his fib, and a good ribbing–and deserves every bit of it! End of story.

8. It is OK to come on Arrowhead Addict, leave comments that contribute nothing and call people names.

“Some moron brought a cougar to a party and it went berserk.“

That shit don’t fly, as a certain fan of a certain team recently found out. Keep it civil, folks. No reason for personal attacks. Save those for Jason Whitlock and, most importantly, King Carl after we go 4-12 again. Violators will make us cross the streams and cook that ass Stay Puft-style.

7. Kevin Costner is a great actor.

“Type something, will you? We’re paying for this stuff! And don’t stare at me, you got the bug-eyes.”

First off, it’s our job to entertain you, which explains this post. And we’re not even sure Kevin himself believes this people. He’s a smart guy who chooses his roles wisely for the most part. Put it this way–he doesn’t get in the way as an actor. Best compliment I can do without disgracing myself.

6. Brian Johnston is the second coming of Jared Allen.

“Slow down. Chew your food.”

They’re white. They were drafted on day two, and both later than expected. They played at small schools in college. The comparisons need to stop there for now. Please, people. Let’s get serious here. What’s next? Saying Brodie Croyle is going to be the next Joe Namath because the both played at Bama? I’m pretty sure he’s not going to have a Hall of Fame career and then get drunk and try to molest Suzy Kolber on national TV. Well, at least about the Kolber part. When Croyle is Namath’s age she’ll be like 60. Nobody has even seen Johnston play, so everybody is just hyping him based on hearsay.

5. Jarrad Page is better than Bernard Pollard.

“We’d like to get a sample of your brain tissue.”

We just don’t see it. Pollard is an exceptional tackler, a necessity at the strong safety position. Page is a lousy tackler. The only time a 44 should misfire that much is if there’s a blind guy at a shooting range. Plus, Page’s coverage is far from exceptional, and you must be able to roam and cover as a free safety.

4. Offense is just as important as defense in the NFL.

“You never studied.”

Close, but not quite. We truly believe that it is easier to win with a great defense and an average offense, than a great offense and average defense. That describes teams like the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants pretty well, teams that are currently near the top of our power rankings. The teams ahead of them are great on both sides of the ball.

3. Jason Witten and Marion Barber compare favorably to Tony Gonzalez and Larry Johnson.

“Maybe now you’ll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh?”

To review, don’t bring that weak shit to the Addict or we will Dikembe Mutumbo it outta here. Like Pollard blocking a field goal! Staff and readers, baby.

2. OTAs are a good judge of what is to come.

“Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy, and your conclusions are highly questionable. You are a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman!“

Absolutely not. These guys barely even have pads on, and often guys, vets especially, just go through the motions. Let’s put our “Jump to Conclusions” mats away for a couple more months.

1. That anyone knows whether or not Brodie Croyle will pan out.

“Let me guess: Gozer worshippers.”

Nobody knows, or has remotely any clue whatsoever. Still, I think the evidence points more towards one way than the other, even though most readers disagree. We still can’t believe the blind faith that’s been invested in this kid. Oh well…