Who’s K.C.’s Public Enemy No. 1
Can’t you hear Flava Flav blabbing on and on as the track hits? That was a Public Enemy reference, for those of you either too old or young to know Flav as anything but a full-time reality TV goon. Anyway, it’s no secret that most Kansas Citians dislike, to put it nicely, both “King” Carl Peterson and Jason “Jabba the” Whitlock. I think most K.C. sports fans, especially Chiefs fans, believe both have worn out their welcome. Also, the only thing bigger than both of their egos is Jabba’s waistline, and it’s hard to root for guys like that. The big question: if the two squared off in a WWE-style loser-leaves-town wrestling match, who would you want to lose and get the boot?
(By the way, visualizing the actual wrestling match is a trip. Can’t you see Carl wooing and strutting like Flair, then pleading his way out of a beating like a little bitch. Can’t you see Jabba doing some kind of Yokozuna/Earthquake I’m-too-fat-to-do-anything-remotely-athletic-so-I’ll-just-drop-my-fat-ass on you finisher? Pretty funny to actually play out in your head if you ask me.)
I am LAUGHING MY @$$ OFF??? Jabba the Whitless!
June 6th, 2008 at 6:05 pmI think Whitlock takes this one by a mile. Especially now that Carl isn’t drafting the players…
June 6th, 2008 at 6:13 pmHopefully, you guys like this image more than my last one.
June 6th, 2008 at 6:17 pmOh, I’ll take CP for this one. Yes, Jabba the Whitless is younger and bigger, but CP is smarter. All CP has to do is bring some ribs for Jabba and he will get the jump using a foreign object. I doubt CP would play fair.
June 6th, 2008 at 6:52 pmWould it be Gates, Stacks, or Bryants ribs?
June 6th, 2008 at 6:53 pmI want Carl to lose. As much as I dislike Twitlock he doesn’t actually make the Chiefs a bad team, unlike the king.
June 6th, 2008 at 7:02 pmZach: Whatever will work. I will be guided by the KC area natives on that score.
June 6th, 2008 at 7:06 pmWhat a slobberknocker!
After the eye poke and a chop block, CP puts Jabba in the figure-four. Jabba taps out and is forced to sign the contract that trades him to Minnesota.
Then “Start Me Up” by the Stones hits on the loudspeaker and all the disgruntled former Chiefs employees run down the ramp for revenge!
Powerbomb by Jared Allen! Leg drop by John Tait! Sharpshooter by Trent Green! Flying elbow drop by Schottenheimer!!!
Then Clark comes out with a mic and says…”YOU’RE FIRED!”
Arrowhead Stadium erupts! A flyover drops cash on the crowd Donald Trump style!
What a show, King! Tune in next week!
June 6th, 2008 at 7:56 pmLMAO, great work Scott. I can even imagine Carl looking flabby like Flair.
We might have to do a few more of these…
June 6th, 2008 at 8:27 pmThank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.
Ditto on the floppy man-boobs.
June 6th, 2008 at 9:14 pmWait a second, is Carl more Flair, or more Vinnie Mac?
And I think we just gave birth to a new feature here at A.A.–the loser-leaves-town match.
Hell, we might even have to do a whole card.
Can you imagine David Glass fighting one of his employees, Joe “The Toothless Door Greeter”, in a First Blood contest for his stake in Wal-Mart? Doris “The Blue-Haired Cashier” could be Joe’s valet.
What about Eddie Drummond vs. Samie Parker in a special match where the ring is surrounded by an angry mob of Chiefs fans. First man thrown out loses, and takes a beatdown from the mob!
The ultimate grudge match, Tim Krumrie vs. Ryan Sims in a steel cage! He hits the first-round bust with…THE KRUMRIE DRILL, one of the deadliest finishing moves in the game!
Dick Girl vs. Dementia for all of his marbles!
Lin Elliot vs. A Randomly Selected Chiefs fan in a coffin match! Please let it be me.
This is going to be fun…
June 6th, 2008 at 9:33 pmMaybe we can get Scott to choreograph a script and get Claymation to create a vid of it for the site?
June 6th, 2008 at 10:12 pmWhitlock is definitely worse. Fat stupid piece of shit.
I don’t hate Carl Peterson at all. Maybe because I’m too busy hating David Glass. But I really don’t understand all the baseless hatred for Peterson by Chiefs fans.
June 7th, 2008 at 2:30 amIt has to be Carl , Whitlock I can stop reading but Carls decisions and arrogance effect my daily life , theres not a day that goes by that when I think of Carl that I dont run over and kick my neighbors cat.
June 7th, 2008 at 6:51 amchiefstud88, just how does CP decisions effect your everyday life?????
June 7th, 2008 at 10:23 amHey, kicking cats isn’t cool. Kick a squirrel or something, man. Damn.
June 7th, 2008 at 10:24 amHow could you choose Whitlock when Carl is the one fucking our team over with contract signings…
June 7th, 2008 at 11:07 amI’ve been a helluva lot more pleased with Carl as of recent than Whitlock. Carl’s job is to be shrewd and manage both football and business. Jason’s job is not to represent this city as a bigot and a moron, which is what he’s done recently. I’m not defending everything Carl has done over the years, and he has gotten more than enough time, but I have been pleased as of late. I still want another great draft and more money spent in free agency next year for me to really be on board, but, yes, to me Whitlock is worse. I HATE that he’s seen as the voice of Kansas City sports.
June 7th, 2008 at 11:47 amI love to read Jason’s opinions. They are well thought and insigthful. And most of the time I agree with him. Carl on the hand can cause players not sign with us or cause resentment from our current players. I do know that Carl has been the Chiefs GM for I guess at least 20 years. And really nothing to show for it.
June 7th, 2008 at 12:53 pmMost people resent their bosses. Most people don’t resent their local sports columnist.
June 7th, 2008 at 4:56 pmWhitlock has no real power, he’s just an occasionally amusing annoyance. CP, on the other hand, deals with players in a highly destructive manner, driving them to seek employment elsewhere. This occurred with a talented young defensive end a short while back, I forget his name.
June 7th, 2008 at 11:46 pmWas it Jimmy Wilkerson
June 8th, 2008 at 12:19 amI dislike both equally, and for different reasons,but I would like to see Jabba sent packing. He is an absolute moron. Carl will be gone in a year or two (hopefully) and then we’ll be rid of both. It’s win-win situaion!
June 8th, 2008 at 10:17 am“Maybe we can get Scott to choreograph a script and get Claymation to create a vid of it for the site?”
I’m all over it.
June 8th, 2008 at 11:37 amWe are seriously coming out with a PPV card. ChiefMania!
We’re going to have all of us get on here and shape up the card in an upcoming post. Might even take volunteers to write the matches, at least some of them. Gotta do something with the boredom.
Scott is definitely going to be one of the top promoters on the card!
June 8th, 2008 at 1:26 pmIt will be a limousine-ridin’, jet-flyin’, kiss-stealin’, wheelin-dealin’, sylin’, profilin’ time. That’s for sure.
June 8th, 2008 at 4:28 pm